Four (or Five!) Reasons Why

….Why Santa Claus has a Terrible Job

1. He lives in the North Pole all year with an old woman and a bunch of dirty, Rudolph-hating reindeer. I mean, how would you like to live in the middle of nowhere with the closest Starbucks located several thousand miles away? And it’s not like the weather is ever balmy in the North Pole, although global warming could quickly change that.

2. Santa gets pounded with millions of letters from children who are demanding stuff they probably don’t deserve. Look, for example, at this one: “Dear Santa, I’ve been amazingly good this year so if you could bring me a pair of black Easton hockey pants (medium) and a new hockey bag (preferably one with wheels), that would be totally awesome”. Hold on, that’s my letter to Santa! What’s going on here? Is Santa leaking gifts lists to the blogosphere or what?

3. Every year, Santa has to do the over-night shift as he flies around the world delivering gifts. Then, it’s up and down, up and down chimneys all night. And then there’s all thelukewarm milk and store-bought cookies that children leave him as a snack. Come on! How about a nice croissant and a cafe au lait or a shot of 20-year-old scotch. Now, that would give Santa a little get up and go on busy night.

4. Santa is clearly under a lot of stress. He’s over-worked, over-weight and probably suffering from a bad case of sunlight deprivation what with living up North and all. Santa needs some vitamin D and a little R&R. Maybe a week shooting craps in Vegas or at a swanky Club Med in the Caribbean. Now, that would put Santa back on the right track.

More: Workers’ Comp Insider agrees that Santa’s job is a nightmare, adding that: “He’s overweight, he drives too fast, and there is some evidence that he is tipping brandy while he drives. Plus he smokes a pipe and eats too many cookies.”

Update: Seth Godin has some thoughts on what Santa looks like (and it’s not because of Coca-Cola’s efforts!)

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